I will always try to give you the best and most beautiful images of your wedding day possible, but I need to tell you something.... I SMOKE.. I usually don't make any personal posts, but I think this is important. I started smoking when my husband had a major aneurysm from one minute to the next and I sat in the hospital that night watching him die. The nurse on call asked me what she could give me to help and I said ...a cigarette. Well, long story short.....she was kind enough to give me one. I sneaked out of the hospital stood in a dirty corner of the hospital and smoked a cigarette like I was a
criminal. My husband held on way longer then the doctors thought and I watched him that night fade away slowly and it broke my heart. The man I loved with all my heart was brain dead, but still alive, it almost killed me, but having a cigarette made me be able to handle the hurt. He died... I went home to my dogs....and together we mourned him being gone. His favorite dog would not leave his chair for several months..she just sat there waiting for him and I did not know how to tell her that he would never be back. Here I was, living the woods ..finding myself all alone except for our dogs, so I smoked to make myself feel better. Being alone for the first time ever... was a really hard for me. Smoking made me feel better, made me feel less alone. I know this is not a good habit but here I am still smoking.
I know smoking is not good for me, but at this time I am not ready to quit. I know I eventually will, but it has to be on my terms and when I am ready. In the meantime, please still love me even though I might not be perfect in some of your eyes.... or your believes. Also know me smoking in no way will
cut my coverage of your wedding memories, because I always come at least 45 minutes to an hour early to photograph your details and backdrops for your album on my own time so I can take a break here and there for a couple of cigarettes and I don't charge you for that time when I take those photos.
I also don't smoke a lot during a wedding most of the time I get so caught up in taking the photos I don't even think about it.
Maybe I should not have had that cigarette that horrible night but it helped me deal with something I did not think I would ever have to deal with. I know it is not an excuse, but I did and I am not a horrible person for doing so. I did whatever I thought would help me through something that I really had a hard time facing. I will quit eventually but as I said it has to be on my own terms and when the time is right.
Just know, I will always do everything and more to give you the most incredible images to remember you wedding day by and that I love each and everyone of you and I hope you can understand. I want you all to know in case I smell slightly like cigarettes :/ sometime during the wedding ..I will try my best not to.